My Tumbling Journal.

meandmyfluffoughts:

moolitza:

I’m not enjoying this anymore at all. It used to brighten up my day and now it just ruins it. Maybe it’s because I had a bad week? idk, I still love is but I feel like the seasons have just gotten worse. The first season was the best, second season was a little disappointing and this one is just bad. I’m looking forward to competitions, that’s why I do this. I have hope it will get better. It’s just that we’re all stressed and bad things have been happening. I need to practice my tosses a lot more. I got the ugliest bruise yesterday on my knee. I barely caught any tosses )’: I don’t know what’s wrong with me. 

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no, you’re not the only one, and no, it’s not because you’ve had a bad week. I don’t know what the hell is happening but it sucks and it needs to stop. Actually, I can guess (several reasons) but I’m not gonna say it. :/

I was looking forward to championships because competitions are fun, but now I’m looking forward to it just so this season can be over. :I I really want to love guard again. I don’t want to literally dread going to practice. I shouldn’t have to feel like that. None of us should, if anyone else does. Including the instructors. I don’t know why “different/higher circuit” and “more members” translates to “stress up the ass” and bad blood all around.

We’re not a family anymore. I think that’s the worst part about this season. Of course we were closest last winter, but we were all still close during marching season. I feel that we’re all really divided this season, and I think that’s what’s messing us all up. Whatever it is, it needs to stop, because I honestly don’t know how much more I can take, and quite frankly that’s scaring me.

Sadly i agree with you guys, i feel like no one bothers to listen to me anymore, i feel unwanted. I drop my tosses when im simply standing there and holding my rifle sometimes, im losing all the spirit, confidence, and happiness i once felt. I thought i was the only one feeling this way. Walking into scvc camp i felt like i brought this mindset and pulled everyone down, but there i tossed i caught my tosses, i felt better… I honestly think it’s more about the emotion that’s running around the room. I spent a few hours talking to jacky about this. Few things for both students and instructors:

1.  We need to learn that once we walk in the room we cant let outside emotions affect us, and that does not mean walk in with a straight face, but still feel like sawing someone’s head off, it means going in and feeling confident that everyone else will be making a effort to make things right and happy.That we will all set things aside and be excellent.
2. “We are only as strong as our weakest link”, but overall we all need to keep practicing “Never stop spinning :)”. We’re only so frustrated because people wont practice, and Shawnda and Joe gets frustrated because our work doesnt look together right? It means that people need to practice, but it’s not really up to other people for you to practice, individually we all need to find time in our day and say to ourselves “Time to go practice” it can be flag, movement, dance, rifle, sabre, do something that gets your mind involved and thinking, as jacky said, “we need to break people in and make them realize, they have to practice”, that’s the only way.
3. Self discipline and maturity is another huge factor, i swear every time i teach something from scvc, someone always has something perverted to say, kids where do you get all these perverted comments?! The time you spend laughing and making unnecessary perverted comments could’ve taught you a whole set of moves to our show. And Self discipline; know when you’re supposed to have fun and not, this isnt only for the students but for instructors instructors as well. We want work done right? Dont start laughing and complain later, but i cant say how to run guard. It’s just ill die, i cant keep making up a list of flaws in my head until i explode one day. We all need self discipline, we all need to practice that. That also means no procrastinating on work.
4. Dedication, effort, commitment. I see a lot of people going to practice and not giving 100%, can i ask everyone a question? Are you all just showing up just because. You know it’s not like our guard is popular like Logan, or it earns you a grand scholarship, be there to show 100%, not to show 50% and drag everyone else down. I try so hard to show 100% i keep practicing and practicing, but i turn around and people are sitting on the floor with their rifles in their hands laughing, then i tell them to practice they give me the “why are you telling me what to do?” look, well Shawnda and Joe didnt give me the name rifle captain, but you all agreed i would be the person you wanted to lead you guys, now you question why im telling you guys to practice? I dont have to patience to suck it up and keep telling you guys, i understand why Mitzy gets so frustrated. I cant, i dont want us to be weak, tell me how long you’ve had to get your tosses and you cant get a double. Let me count, well you’ve had the same amount of time as Zach, my friend from scvc, he’s almost at his quads already, you’re no difference. I hate to be harsh, but you’re lacking commitment. i really want everyone to go out there for practice 100% everyday. If not the whole guard, the rifle line, but it seems the rifle line is showing less effort than the flag line, and it makes me just want to quit, because i words doesnt seem to work, and after Joe punished you guys you should understand. Jacky told me that the punishment wasnt all that bad, it was like PT for your arms :3 
5. I ran out of reasons, im just frustrated. Tomorrow….. do i want to be Suzy Q rifle captain, or give up entirely?